Cluttered, A Poem by Diana Alvarez

Cluttered, A Poem by Diana Alvarez

Cluttered,

Like my “empty” kitchen sink.

 

Clear your mind,      you say

so I begin to scrub,

I scrub until all that is left are the stains left from the pain

my knuckles start to swell and my hands bleed from my failed attempt to clear my head

But the stains do not fade,

Despite the dishes being stored in the locked cabinet where I try not to reach, I always do

over and over again

I always make the mess.

 

So I pour bleach,

Tons of bleach until it enters in my nose.

trying to detoxify my mind.

 

Breathe! You say Breathe!

I cannot

Breathe!

 

i fall into the strainer, stuck.

Sunken to the bottom and drenched in bleach,

i am still not pure, the sink is still

not clean Breathe! Clear your mind! Breathe.

can you not tell my sink is still full heavy with dishes drowning in bleach how can i possibly fucking breathe?

 

Got a sink full of dishes, a mind full of demons

I cannot be empty the way you want me to be, the way i want to be.

 

the gallon of bleach has done no use soaking in my skin

the only way             i can empty myself, my mind, and my heart is using the bleach to wash down the pills in my bloody broken hands.

 

Finally clear, finally clean and pure

 

No, I still can’t.

 

Can no longer,

Breathe.